Sports professionals - band 7
It is true, that successful athletes make a lot of money comparing to other ordinary people in professions that are important to the society, and because of this, many people believe that it is wrong, while there are some people who think that athletes are justified to the money they make.
In my opinion, successful sports professionals are entitled to the money they make, even though they earn higher salaries than most of us. Many athletes have to train and commit for years to be successful, and still many of them can´t reach to the top. In addition, they have short careers, so they have to live the rest of their lives with the money they make when they are younger. Also, sport is a really demanding job in physically and emotionally, and most of us could not do that as a career. Furthermore, the popularity of the sport is one reason, why they earn so much money, because their career is not only to do sports, but also entertain people and many people, including myself, enjoy watching sports.
On the other hand, there are also many reasons, why certain people believe that it is unfair that athletes make such high salaries. Some people believe, that athletes are there just to entertain, and they don´t have important careers, while they still make more money than the rest of us, and it is true, that they don´t necessarily have the most contributing jobs to society, like doctors or police men do.
In conclusion, sports professionals share many opinions, but, I feel that they have important roles in society, when it comes to entertainment. Most importantly, I believe, that when we think sports more widely, especially international sport competitions, it can make people come together and unite different countries in a positive way.
(301 words)
Task Achievement
Some well-developed arguments in support of sports stars salaries have been presented; however, the arguments against could have been developed and used more effectively. (7)
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has been organised into separate, coherent paragraphs, although the first sentence of the second paragraph, which gives the writer's opinion, would be better employed at the end of the introduction. A good range of linkers is included. (7.5)
Lexical Resource
Some good vocabulary has been used; however, some inaccuracies with use and collocation detract from this. (7)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Some examples of more complex structures have been used, like relative clauses, but an even wider range of structures is needed for a higher band score. (7)
Overall Comment - how to improve
This is a fair response. Try to make your position clear in the introduction. Work on accuracy of vocabulary to maximise the effect of your lexical range. Increase the range of grammar structures.
