Seniority in the Workplace - band 7
Some people believe that the high profile professions should be booked for senior employees only, while others say ageing and graying employees should should give positions to younger employees. Although, senior staff have a lot of experience and knowledge but this essay believes that younger staffs are more daring and have knowledge of present trends therefore, would achieve higher positions in future.
On the one hand, people believe that the key positions in an industry should be given to older staff because they know the inside out about the company and have a lot of them the experience. All the past experience make them the suitable candidate for such positions. For instance, family run businesses in India are mostly own by the senior most member of the family as the chairperson or director like 'MDH Spice Company' owner is 90 years old. However, this would not be the case in future because older people at key positions are not very keen to accept changes which hinders business development.
On the other hand people say the young blood employees should be considered for higher ranks because firstly, they are enthusiastic to prove themselves and want to show their expertise. Secondly, their daring attitude gives them confidence to bring changes in policies, in the other word they are flexible according to the situation of the market and would go extra mile to finish any task. Furthermore, they are familiar the current technology which, help the company to flourish. For example, Facebook company owner, Mark Zukerburg, has a workforce of young people and it is doing quite well. Therefore I believe, that young people would be the future leaders of the companies.
To conclude although, senior staff have experience and knowledge to run the company but I believe that young employees would be considered for top positions for their qualities and latest knowledge about the trends in the future.
Task Achievement
Some good, relevant ideas are presented in this essay and the writer's own opinion is made clear. All parts of the question are addressed and supporting examples are given, which add weight to the main ideas. (7.5)
Coherence & Cohesion
This essay includes a good introduction which leads the reader into the topic issue. Paragraphing is logical and ideas are organised coherently thorough a range of linking devices although some revision is needed here. (7.5)
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is included with an awareness of collocations. There are occasional mistakes with word forms, but these do not affect meaning. (7)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
A range of structures is included with good control although there are a number of small errors which need to be eliminated for a higher score. (7.5)
Overall Comment - how to improve
This is a well-written essay which addresses all parts of the question. The message is clearly communicated through an effective range of language and lexis. A revision of some linkers and some careful proof-reading would improve the overall score.
