IELTS writing test - sample answers

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Sedentary Lifestyle - band 7

In spite of the increasing numbers of gyms and physical fitness centres, many people are involved in a way of living that is sedentary in the modern world these days. In this essay, I am going to elaborate on the problems related to this lifestyle and give solutions.

Firstly, a significant problem associated with leading an inactive lifestyle is the risk it poses to health.it can result into obesity which is a major disadvantage. Such people tend to deposit excessive fat in the body and thus causing problems. For example, cancers that can be breast and other types of malignant tumours. In addition, they are prone to diabetes. Furthermore, it can cause depression because of isolation and poor social interaction combined with low mood, decreased muscle strength, back related problems involving back pain and osteoarthritis due to lack of exercise (bones tend to get weaker).

To solve this problem, government can embark on campaigns to increase the awareness and promote the benefits of an active lifestyle. If more people are educated, this will in turn encourage them to take the extra steps needed to improve their lifestyle. Moreover, affordable gym membership would go a long way in attracting people to engage in physical fitness activities, thus improving their health. Provision of gym in work places to encourage employees to keep fit. For instance, people have to stay working for 8 to 12 hours on the computer in the workplace can have breaks at work (to participate in fitness activities) to reduce the sedentary hours spent in front of the screen.

In conclusion, due to advancement in technology in the modern days in which we live, there is an growing increase in the number of people living a sedentary lifestyle and this has been found to be associated with health problems which can be avoided by encouraging people to do physical fitness activities through provision of affordable gym membership and health awareness campaign.

Task Achievement

You answer the question very well developing some of your ideas and providing supporting examples. You present some solutions and express your own view effectively. (8)

Coherence & Cohesion

Paragraphing is appropriate and there is overall progression to the response. Although linkers are used appropriately, you could do more to use inter-sentence linkers to create more complex sentences, as well as across sentence-linkers, eg while, although, whereas (7.5)

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary for the topic, which is used appropriately and accurately. (8)

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You include a wide range of grammar structures and these are used accurately, but try to avoid lots of short simple sentences and incorporate them into the argument via more complex structures. (7)

Overall Comment - how to improve

The response fulfils the requirements of the task. You express your view effectively using a range of appropriate lexis and language structures with a high degree of accuracy. Aim for greater cohesion and nicer flow to the essay by avoiding very short sentences.

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