Overpopulation - band 7
In recent years, many people have been concerned about the ever-increasing population around the world, which they believe may potentially leads to scarcity of natural resources and may cause with international wars. I partially agree with the above statement due to the fact that there may be other possible reasons.
To begin with, population explosion is directly linked to over consumption of natural resources. Humans depends on natural resources such as air, water, soil and forests for their survival. Growing population means increased demands for basic life needs. For example, being the second most populated countries among the world, there is huge demand for water in many parts of India. However, only a few natural resources like rivers are available and some run through its neighbouring countries such as China and Pakistan. Conflicts has been going regarding the sharing of water amongst these counties. I suppose, there is no wonder if this issue may become a cause for future war between them.
However, overpopulation may not be the only reason for possible international wars. Countries may fight for their geographical boundaries; which we have already seen in many parts of the World. For instance, Kashmir issue between India and Pakistan. Several number of soldiers from both countries have sacrificed their lives for the same and sadly the issue continues. Another cause which may lead to international war is the competition between countries to become super power of the planet. Countries like America and Russia have an undefined competition between them to show the world who is more powerful. As part of their agenda they are trying to separate other nations to both sides. This might eventually result in a third World War.
In conclusion, increasing population might lead to international wars between countries. Nevertheless, I don’t believe that this will be the only reason, there may be other reasons ranging from fighting for geographical boundaries to becoming super power of the world.
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Task Achievement
The candidate gives a good account of the extent to which they agree with the statement, and supports their arguments with specific examples, although some ideas are repeated in the conclusion. (7)
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured and easy to follow. There is some use of linking phrases but a wider range would result in a higher score in this area. (7)
Lexical Resource
The candidate includes a good range of vocabulary, but at times the style needs to be more formal and academic. (6.5-7)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
The grammar is mostly accurate and appropriate for the task, although a wider range of sentence structures would improve the score. (7)
Overall Comment - how to improve
This is a good essay, which clearly outlines the writer's position and uses real examples to illustrate the main arguments. A wider variety of linking expressions, more formal vocabulary and more advanced grammar structures would all help to increase the overall score.
