Crime - band 8
It has been said that some of the few people who execute a crime do so because they don't have a choice and this lessens the significance of law enforcers and the police to lower crime rates. While it can be true that this situation is inevitable, I firmly believe that committing a crime is a conscious choice and the police authorities still have an important role in preventing the rise of criminality.
Some people speculate that others engage in unlawful acts because of uncontrollable circumstances. People who are caught in this situation admit that they do such thing because they don't have any other possible options or solutions to the problems they are facing. One example is a father who does not have money to send his very sick child to the hospital. His relatives and friends would no longer lend him money because he already has existing debts from them. Since his child needs to be rushed to the hospital, he decided to steal money from a store. Hence, the father committed theft even though he does not want to just to save his ill child.
However, proven that people sometimes are prone to having wrong decisions when faced with pressure or trials in life, the decision to perform the act of crime is still one's choice. He may say that he has no choice during that time he does the act but only because he cannot think properly due to the presence of a lot of factors such as social pressure, personal grudges, emotional disturbances or financial problems. For instance, when a husband accidentally killed his wife while having a dispute, he still has a choice not to kill her but because of his emotionally unstable state during the incident, he was forced to do it. Despite this, the police enforcement is still relevant in controlling the number of crimes. People who break the law because of their own choice cannot be controlled by the police officers but that does not mean that they lose their relevance in the society. Police are there to enforce the law and therefore whoever breaks them shall be given proper punishment by the right authority. By doing so, most people, if not all, will still be hesitant to perform an unlawful act.
Overall, although some crimes are not intentionally done by people, they are still considered crimes and therefore the role of the police officers shall remain significant to control these.
(410 words)
Task Achievement
This essay has some relevant ideas on the topic, which have been clearly shown with examples. However, 410 words is quite long and may not be possible due to the time constraints in the exam. Aim for 280-300 words. (8)
Coherence & Cohesion
The ideas are organised through appropriate paragraphing and a reasonable range of linking devices which leads the reader through the essay. The overall structure is good, but the third paragraph is a little bit unbalanced to the 2nd one. (8)
Lexical Resource
Overall, the candidate uses a good range of vocabulary and shows an ability to use less common expressions. (8)
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
The candidate uses a good range of both sentence and grammar structures adequately. (8)
Overall Comment - how to improve
A good essay which fulfils the requirements. To improve, the candidate needs to think about condensing the ideas a little and balancing the paragraphs more evenly.
