IELTS writing test - sample answers

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Child Obesity - band 7.5

Nowadays, child obesity is considered as a major health problem. Many people argue that it may be due to enticing TV advertisements that promotes eating junk food. Therefore, such promotions should be aired only beyond a child's usual bedtime. In my opinion, I totally disagree, in fact, that proper health education and intervention by parents and legal guardians are two of a much more effective solution.

It can not be denied that TV commercials, showcasing unhealthy food can have a great impact that may affect an individual's choice when it come to food. Colorful commercials promoting a candy bar can be very pleasing to kids' eyes, leading the child to ask for the candy. That is why some people think that prohibiting children from watching these kinds of commercials is an effective solution. However, there are other methods that may help reduce the risk of obesity among children.

Many children these days are more likely to have a sedentary kind of lifestyle. In other words, getting used in playing gadgets and sitting all day instead of actually playing outside can be a contributing factor why children are becoming obese. They lack physical activity, children should be introduced to activities such as sports. In addition, children must be encouraged by their parents and guardians to a healthy balanced diet. Furthermore, adults should set as an example by living a healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, though it may help to forbid kids from watching junk food commercials to avoid obesity among children, I strongly believed that proper introduction and guidance from adults towards a healthy lifestyle is a better solution.

(267 words)

Task Achievement

This is a good essay. The candidate has presented relevant ideas and arguments well and these points have been well-supported. (7.5)

Coherence & Cohesion

A well-structured essay, which is logically paragraphed. The introduction leads the reader into the topic area. There is development and progression in the response considering different aspects and the conclusion rounds off the essay well. Cohesive devices are used effectively. (7.5)

Lexical Resource

The candidate has included some good vocabulary and phrases, although there are some informal word choices. (7)

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The candidate has attempted to include a good range of structures, although more care needs to be taken to avoid small errors and improve overall accuracy (7)

Overall Comment - how to improve

This is a well-written essay overall. The candidate presents valid arguments which are well- supported, but there needs to be a higher level of grammatical accuracy to improve the overall band score.

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