2.7.1 International Transport - Sample
Nowadays, international transport has become accessible and affordable. Travelling internationally has become a sort of trend. Some travel for educational purpos
ses, or bus siness and others do it just for pleasure. Whatever the reason, there are people who object s with to it as they consider it as to be patronizing consumerism, especially when it comes to learning about the world since others think that mass media can do a lot as it's counterpart more effectively instead. [ This essay will focus for and against travelling internationally].
First of all, I believe that the best form of learning is "doing the actual thing". The same is true with learning about the world. While It is true that with the advent of technology, nowadays,
by merely browsing the internet can provide you with information from about history, geography, culture and tradition of those people living in a certain country. In addition, there is no doubt that mass media is cost-effective and quicker to use.
[new para]However, I would like to reiterate that nothing can compensate (
the form of) learning about a country better than the actual interaction with its people. Feeling the real environment and seeing it yourself will provide you with an indepth understanding of the totallity of the place and will substantiate whatever is fed by the media, which is limited. Thus, having been equipped with a profound and absolute information, you can be an effective form of mass media yourself. So, while it is a far more expensive form of learning, I would still urge the proper authorities to consider this more on this. On the other hand, I would also suggest that they should send only a selected few and they should be the right people, ensuring that the purpose of the travel has a genuine goal and that those who were asked to do it should be dedicated and effective to disseminate what has been learnt to further educate the people. [this sentence could be more concise]
In conclusion, travelling is inevitable and very essential as a part of learning, but can also be compromised if there are other more important aspects to be given priority and if it will bring enormous benefit to the country, [not very clear] otherwise indeed! it is advocating consumerism.
Very good – you have presented both sides of the argument clearly and effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good – your answer is generally well-linked but lacking in paragraphs.
Very good – wide range of less common lexis.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Good – some inaccuracies cause a little confusion but good attempt to use more complex forms.
You could make more effective use of paragraphs, and in particular, improve the final impact of your essay by writing a clear, strong conclusion > iPass Module - Child Obesity