2.3.1 University Admission - Sample
Many people dream
to of live having a high standard of life living, by doing a highly paid and secure d job s, and to get more respect in the community, so they are going to university more than in the past. But comparatively, thelife has become more hectic due to more stress and responsibilities.
Because of overpopulation and a few incidents like ’ Global Recession
Period’, resulting in a shortage of general job vacancies, most people agree that it’s better to go to for university studies and become a highly qualified person. As a result, one can not only get a high level job post but also earn enough money in a short period (like Bank Executives) rather than spending their whole life on minimum wages working as a less qualified person. and also The advance in techonology has also had a great impact, replacing many people’s jobs especially in the agricultural fields industry, realizing making/forcing/encouraging them (to) go for job-related vocationalcourses by which they can do work faster and more effectively. For example, a degree in Technology in Agriculture or Mechanical Engineering. course through university.
In my opinion,
in prof fessional jobs workers like doctors and lawyers are spending most of their life period to being trained and before starting to work and managing to earn a higher income with more respect. However, I think most of them are not able to cope with the job’s responsibility and stress. In fact, there are so many universities which give s the opportunity to do online courses.
In conclusion, the advantages of going to university in order to get higher qualifications outweigh the disadvantages. It has had an incredible impact in the progress of developing countries like India. In addition, with theadvance in techonolgy, it’s possisble to share work or to do a job from your/the computer, so that one can maintain a good work-life balance and avoid stress-induced health problems.
Red = corrections
Green = suggested improvements
Word count - 281
Minimum word count: 250
Satisfactory – you need to present a clearer position and support your ideas/views with relevant examples and reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good – you link your sentneces well with appropriate linkers.
Good – appropriate vocab showing awareness of collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Satisfactory - Good range of structures but simple errors still persisting.
You need to support your argument with relevant reasons and examples > iPass Module – Gender Pay Gap