2.1.1 Crime - Sample
Some countries, especially poor ones, have a high level of crime,
especially poor countries and which the government and local authorities struggle to solve. The causes of crime committing are depend on many various factors, however, it is commonly believed that there is a direct correlation between the number of the crimes and the gross domestic product per person. It’s logically due to the fact that the poverty is a major factor of crime committing. Another factor which gives the has an impact to on the level of the crime is the difference in the earnings of the various social groups.
The problem is very complicated and should be solved together by various group of society organisations and associations.
the poor people should care about balancing learn to maintain a balance between their expenses and incomes which they earn in order to eliminate unpredictable expenditures such as drinking alcohol, consuming drugs and paying for the consequences of their bad habits.
Secondly, the government and the local authorities should
give a hand up provide long-term support, instead of giving handouts for to poor people. It gives them a chance to get an education and obtain a well-paid job as well. Thus, the more government maintenance control/intervention could decline reduce unemployment and consequently, the level of the crime.
Thirdly, the media should broadcast information about living a healthy lifestyle in order to persuade people not to consume drugs and alcohol. It is commonly known that there is a strict relationship between crimes and drug consumption. Take, for instance, the South American countries such as Columbia and Bolivia where the government is not able to prevent the crimes because of the high level of illegal drug sales.
Finally, the international organization community should support the countries which provide
the an active policy in respect of regarding / with regard to the prevention of the crime via charity donations.
In conclusion, I believe that crime prevention is a very important topic for most countries which could be solved by
the collective efforts and in order to be successful in the reduction of the crime, each group of in society should make their contribution to minimize the number of crimes and the government should coordinate the overall process.
Red = corrections
Green = suggested improvements
Word count: 332
Minimum word count: 250
Good – the question has only been answered indirectly but the arguments are relevant and well-developed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Very strong – effective use of paragraphs and linkers.
Good – adequate range of appropriate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Good – able to form complex sentences but some errors persist throughout.
It is very important to address ALL parts of the question directly. Regarding grammar, more focus is needed on definite articles with general/plural nouns > iPass Toolbox on Articles