1.1.1 Highford University - Sample
Hartford Highford University carried out a survey on the goods and services purchased online by some students pursuing courses in Arts, Business and the Sciences. On the whole, more students undergoing courses in business purchase more things than the students of Arts and the Sciences.
Surprisingly, more Business
Science students purchase computer equipment (about 82%), and books (about 82%) when compared to the students of Arts and Sciences (about 78 percent) and computer Equipment (about 65% Arts and 60% Sciences)
In computer games downloads, students of the Sciences top the list (about 55%) when compared with the Business student (about 21%), and Arts students (about 30%).
As regards to the Music CD downloads and Video DVD downloads, the Arts students are leading, but more business students really bought music CD downloads than the students of the sciences. On books (did you mean to say Travel here?), the business courses students are still leading the Arts and the Sciences students.
In conclusion, it is obvious that more Business courses students purchased goods and services than the Arts and the Sciences students. The Arts students evidently love entertainment more than the Sciences and Business students and they bought more DVDs and CDs.
Red = corrections
Green = suggested improvements
Word count - 198
Minimum word count: 150
Good – clear overview of the information presented in the graph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good – clear progression of ideas.
Good – appropriate and accurate use of less common terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Good – accurate use of tenses and sentence structure.
Expand your range of vocabulary for describing the data, by using more numerical expressions > iPass Module - SMOKING